I’ve been MIA

I haven’t posted in a LONG time, and I promise to get better and at least post once a week. But heres an update & a screen shot of my instagram because I seemed to of posted more on there than here, and that I too promise to get better that…

LIFE UPDATE:

Well a new semester has started for me at school and a finally got a job since moving back to the West Coast. I took one look at the three syllabuses and had a mental breakdown. I was asking myself how am I going to do this while juggling work and treatment for my ED. My first week of school felt like a week long panic attack accompanied with binging and purging. I had a few binging and purging episodes but have had now a “good” two weeks without either. Now that the first week of school has passed and I’m aquatinted with my job, I have a good system going.

As for my Eating Disorder, I started seeing a new therapist. This therapist actually is helping and I’m finally going through a treatment program with her that is helping. The stress of trying to find enough time between school, work, and working on ED had me feeling like I was drowning and I couldn’t do it. But I finally feel like I’m on a good path and like I said above I’m aquatinted now with work and got a system going .

It was also my 25th birthday the other day, my boyfriend came into town on Friday and we went out to dinner with my parents on Saturday.  Friday my ED wasn’t taking over me, and for once in a long time I felt confident about my self..until Saturday night when it was as if that “high” of feeling good about myself and comfortable in my own skin wore off. I’m working on keeping that feeling of being comfortable my own skin and not worrying about what others think, but just like everything it takes time and isn’t something that will change over night.

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But still, yoga every morning and every night and might even try taking walks at sunrise on the beach every morning. Theres not much of a sunrise  on the west coast of Florida since the sun rises in the east but its still worth a shot and no matter what will be peaceful and beautiful. The beach as we know is my happy place and where I let go and feel grounded, but I haven’t been able to get there in the mornings anymore because of work and then I’m always at home after work studying like crazy to continue doing well in school

So now back up to date, I promise to get better at posting again. Also, what do you to manage stress when you feel like everything is coming at you at once. I’d love to hear what you all do to see if its something I can maybe try.  🙂

 

P.S. my outfit is Show me your mumu – Skirt and Shirt I bought of 6pm.com 🙂

 

Follow me on instagram: @tier_berry

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Pastel Skies & Reflection

One thing I’ll never get tired of is watching sunsets and this blog will be flooded with sunset photos as time goes on. I love watching the sky change colors from warm oranges and golds to the pink, blue, and purple pastels.Pastel Skies When I watch the sunset, I use this time to reflect. Every time I watch the sunset, in my head I hear the song “What a wonderful world”.I reflect on the day and the intentions I made that morning. I reflect on everything I have and am thankful for. I set new intentions for the next day. Sunsets ease my mind, they are what help me put everything into perspective when my mind is racing a million miles a minute and I feel like I’m barely keeping it together, its the sunsets and walks on the beach that keep me grounded. I go for walks on the beach daily in the morning, sunsets are often but not daily like walks in the morning. If I know i’m not watching the sunset, I use my time in the morning to reflect on the days before intentions and set new ones. My walking in the morning set the tune for the day. My walks at sunset are an extra bonus, usually accompanied by my boyfriend at sunset. He knows when I’m reflecting because I’m silently staring off into the horizon and watching the waves crash up against my skin.   11These moments of reflection and mindfulness have been a HUGE part of recovery for me. I may only be a month and a few days in to recovery, but these moments of reflection are now not only about reflecting on my day, life, and easing my mind from anxiety and panic but they are now also about becoming more in-tune with my thoughts and emotions with my eating disorder and how to start to overcome them.

A little late

Its a week late but…..here are some photos of my Thanksgiving. Hope everyone enjoyed their Thanksgiving!

My boyfriend came over to the West Coast the day before Thanksgiving. At 2 o’clock  on Thanksgiving day we had our Thanksgiving at my house then we left around 4:30/5 to drive to the East Coast (where my boyfriend and his family live) to have dinner with them too. Two Thanksgivings in one day & First Thanskgiving in recovery …. I was obviously nervous as hell and super nervous about me asked “How have you been”. I had been rehersing my responses for a few days and just broke on Thanksgiving and I woke up all in my head, my anxiety through the roof and feeling like absolute crap about myself because how could I tell people I’m doing great when I’m not. Sooo I took myself to the beach to get some clarity and set my intentions for the day and to also just relax and get grounded. The beach does that to me, no matter what, when i go to the beach I feel grounded and connected to my emotions, thoughts, and I even feel more grounded and connected to earth.

So off I went to the beach…crying because Ifelt horrible and my anxiety was out of control, walked about 3/4 of mile down where the only people around were the people walking to the end to the pass and back to where the main part of the beach was. When I go to where I wanted to sit, I walked to the water and went about knee deep. Felt the waves and current brush across my skin, and too several deep breaths, looked out at the horizon and started to wipe away my tears. I walked up to where I wanted to sit, which happened to be area with a bountiful amount of shells. As i always do, i started to collect them from the perfect shells to the imperfect shells.

Every shell tells a story, and even the shells with most imperfections are still beautiful.

Then my boyfriend showed up, he knew exactly where I’d be. (oh, left without telling anyone where I was going). So after I told him what was going, he started to help me collect the shells. And someone who walked by saw how my legs were covered in shells, and was like ” you look like your turning into a mermaid” and this would be a cool picture, so he asked if we had a camera and he took it for us. (Thank again, to the couple who was so sweet to take our picture and could tell that I had been crying all morning)

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Why I started Aquamarine Daydream

So a-little bit behind the blog – since this is my first post…

I originally had the intent to keep the blog anonymous and use it as a way to document my treatment process and recovery. But since the original decision to start the blog, I’ve change my mind and decided not to be anonymous, and not heavily talk about my bulimia, anxiety or panic. I’ll keep it light since the beach is a happy place :).  I’ll occasionally talk about my eating disorder in the “road to recovery” section but it will no longer be the main focus. Aquamarine Daydream is to be a blog full love positivity, the beach, sunny skies, sunsets and sunrises and love for the ocean with the occasional talk of mental health and bringing awareness so we end the stigma associated with it.

This picture was taken by my boyfriend, where I’m looking out at the sunset. This photo is what exactly inspired me to start this blog. I thought, why not share my story, my thoughts and my UNDENIABLE LOVE for the beach all on one blog. When I saw this picture I couldn’t help but think to myself and get placed back into the emotions I was feeling the exact moment this photo was taken. My mind felt at peace, I felt happy, the beach does that to me. It makes me feel a bunch of emotions but helps me understand them and be at peace with them and overcome any negative energy I might feel. I am diagnosed with severe anxiety, panic disorder and just recently  bulimia. I’m in the treatment process for bulimia. My anxiety and panic are works in progress and have been for years. I try to see them as bullies( anxiety and panic), and if I give into the emotion then I’m letting the bully win. Of course it’s easier said then done and I’m slowly figuring out my best ways to deal with it when my body becomes paralyzed with anxiety and panic. The paralyzed feeling barely happens anymore but it does happen every now and then.

So when I saw the picture I was reminded about how much I love the ocean and the beach, and how it helps me overcome these demons and its helping me immensely with my road to recovery from my eating disorder.

The beach is therapeutic, the sea knows all my secrets and problems. Being at the beach and on the water gives me a peace of mind and clarity on my cloudiest days. The beach helps me overcomes these and understand them as much as I can – and then I “send” them out to sea.

Okay…so I’m done rambling now. 🙈

If you have anxiety, panic or an eating disorder what do you do to help calm you and have clarity? Or even if your stressed what do you do that makes you happy?

 

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